With each move, and there have been many, new Cincinnati Friends Meeting (CFM) member Ann Criswell finds a spiritual home. Beginning with the Lafayette, IN, Methodist Church she attended as a child—“shepherded there by my Great Aunt Irma, the organist”—Ann’s spiritual journey has revolved around community.
“My family was so chaotic that being in that church—Sunday night youth group, Bible school, and helping out in summer—fed my soul,” Ann said. She felt a deep connection as a young teen delivering an Easter sunrise message. “I remember being very passionate about what I said.”
After her great aunt died, Ann’s mother, “who was always searching,” followed a neighbor to a Baptist Church. Ann dove in, acquiring a boyfriend, even babysitting for the minister. “We all got baptized and were expected to just fall in line. I never had a choice.” Ann was disillusioned when she learned the minister had an affair. “I wish I could have had a voice and felt comfortable saying no, I didn’t want to go.”
Her first marriage and the baptism of her son happened in her childhood church, Brown Street United Methodist, which shows “the affinity I had for that church.”
Ann said her spiritual journey really began about 2010. A board member for the mental health foundation where Ann was executive director in the Quad Cities, IA, suggested, “I needed to be more effective in my interpersonal skills. I respected Mary, an engineer, with John Deere.”
Ann blindly enrolled in a seminar with the Inner Journey Institute. “One of the rules is not to tell the person what they would be doing,” Ann said. “They put you through a lot of different exercises to get in touch with your soul. One experience was to go to war with yourself, to put on boxing gloves and hit a mattress. This was the first time I really cried about losing my son," whom she was forced to give up for adoption. "I needed that emotional release, but also the opportunity to start learning about myself.”
The seminars taught Ann “about things like the Universe and Buddhism. I was exposed to people who thought differently than I did. That’s when my world started to grow.”
Ann reached a point when she wanted something more, “but I didn’t know where to go.” She found the Unitarian Church, “but I felt like the minister was speaking over my head instead of to me,” though the community was an anchor for her daughter. Ann and her wife, Teresa Caligaris, began attending Edwards Congregational Church, which had merged with the United Church of Christ and “was truly a home. It’s where Teresa and I were married. I was on the board of trustees and worked a lot with the minister, Katherine. She helped continue my spiritual journey with silent retreats and understanding what I was reading.”
One of her children stayed and served on the board, helping retain a new minister when Katherine retired.
“My journey has never been a straight line,” Ann confessed, “and it’s mixed with mental health therapy as I become a whole person.” After four months in Atlanta, Ann and Teresa moved to Richmond, VA, where Ann served on the board of a Universalist Unitarian Church. “The lesbian minister was amazing. Then it was hit or miss when we moved to Kutztown, PA, and I struggled to find a home in the Congregational Church. While they were open and affirming with a gay pastor in a small farming community, they still had bake sales held by little old ladies with gray hair. There was no book discussion or room for growth. I didn't go often, and I missed that.”
While Ann was in Pennsylvania job hunting, she had lunch with a Quaker woman, “the first Quaker I ever knew about. We lived in a German area of Mennonites and Amish. I know those communities have issues, but I was curious.”
Not long after moving to Cincinnati, a woman Ann met while networking connected her to me. The woman told us both we just had to meet. When we did, we spoke with ease about everything, including our spirituality. Two cups of chai and four hours later, Ann accepted my invitation to visit CFM.
“My soul was looking for the next step in my journey,” Ann remembered. “I had done all of this emotional, spiritual, and psychological work, and I needed a place to continue and be part of something bigger than myself.”
“The minute I walked in, I felt I was in the right spot. Jim [Newby, CFM's minister and public Friend] said something and I knew I landed in the right place. How it plays out I don’t know. I love the way we challenge ourselves. It doesn’t feel as if we judge each other. CFM is a good home, a place to connect and stretch myself to understand.”
As is typical, Ann jumped in, taking Quakerism 101 and Bible basics back-to-back. “Jim doesn’t try to convince you of anything, just puts it out there,” she noted. She thoroughly enjoyed Todd Van Beck’s first class on Albert Schweitzer and was devastated to learn of his unexpected passing. She is a regular participant in sharing at Centering Down before worship.
When asked to describe CFM, Ann said “the first thing that comes to mind is peace. The people are stretching me, making me look at things for clarity. It’s a safe space to explore my journey, but it’s more than that. Jim opens cans of worms and encourages us to think more critically. I think about what I will take out into the community.”
Ann appreciated the clearness process for membership. “The beauty for me of Quakerism is being encouraged to get clear about things. That’s the part I need help within my own life. I wonder if that’s why I was led to Quakerism. When they ask, ‘Are all hearts clear?’ at the end of worship, it gives me the opportunity to be clear not just about my spiritual life, but as a whole person. It has also really helped me evolve my consulting practice with small and mid-sized nonprofit organizations to get clear about what they think they need. When you get clear, it gives you courage. I now have that language to use with clients. Getting clear gives you a voice.”
Ann relies on the weekly silence in worship, which seemed awkward at first. “It’s the one moment during the week when I take time to center down and be quiet.” She wants more. “Right now, I have been riding the wave and have yet to do a deep dive into Quakerism.” She intends to look more closely at our testimonies of simplicity, peace, integrity, equality, and community. “Connection to people and whatever I choose to call God is huge. I feel safe and accepted here.”
On the heels of membership, Ann has agreed to serve CFM as a trustee.
